What Hogwarts House Would The Founding Fathers Be In?

Everyone loves Harry Potter and the only thing that people love more than Harry Potter is trying to determine what house they’d be placed in. Remember when Pottermore was released and the site crashed over and over as people clamored to get sorted and the promptly abandoned their accounts? Exactly.

So let’s clamp the sorting hat onto the Founders’ heads and see where they place.

George Washington
Gryffindor

Ah, Mr. Washignton. The big kahuna. Of course he’d be Gryffindor. He led the thousands of his soldiers to defeat the British, the strongest army in the world. He was known for keeping his cool under pressure (or just keeping his cool at any time–the man wasn’t known for his emotions). He was chivalrous, a completely perfect example of a Virginia gentleman. Washington was not nearly as avid a reader as Jefferson but he was far more skilled in horseback riding and dancing. He was a leader, not only to the people of his time, but to the millions of Americans today.

Other Gryffindors: James Monroe, John Adams

Thomas Jefferson
Ravenclaw

Bookish and silent, but with a pompous air, Jefferson is the dictionary example of a Ravenclaw. If drafting the Declarations of the Rights of Man and the Declaration of Independence wasn’t enough of example of his brains, perhaps his innovative inventions of a letter duplicator and the world’s first example of the office “spinny chair” will convince you. Instead of people who complain of the lack of things to make their lives either, Jefferson not only drafted them, but made them himself. His habit of reading and buying books literally helped put him in millions of dollars in debt (by today’s standards) by the end of his life. He was incredibly knowledgeable about other cultures, and is the person who introduced such food as creme brulee, champagne, macaroni and cheese, broccoli, tomatoes, peppers, eggplants, and peanuts to the States.

Other Ravenclaws: Benjamin Franklin, James Madison

Alexander Hamilton
Slytherin

Some may argue that Hamilton belongs in Gryffindor, but the two houses are different sides of the same coin. Hamilton’s drive and cunning nature (hello–slandering Aaron Burr) makes him lean more towards the snake. He was also more self-centered than his Gryffindor counterparts.  But Slytherin isn’t all Malfoys and Voldemorts. It’s thanks to Hamilton’s determination that he left Nevis on a scholarship and went onto become a part of history. And of course, along the way were a variety of scandals (like Maria Reynolds) which makes him lean more on the Slytherin side. He was brave, of course, but the combination of his desire for power,  brains, and ambition keep him in the green and silver.

Other Slytherins: Sam Adams, Aaron Burr, Edward Rutledge

Marquis de Lafayette
Hufflepuff

Sweet, sweet Lafayette. Never seen a day of battle, and yet ships himself to help fight a war in a country he’s never visited before. Such good intentions and so, so friendly and helpful, the Marquis belongs in Hufflepuff. He was Washington’s personal cheerleader and the picture perfect sidekick. Imagine his little French accent screaming support for freedom. Adorable. But he’s also a perfect example that Hufflepuffs aren’t useless. Mr. French Enthusiasm’s dedication rallied thousands of French troops which helped us actually win the war.

Other Hufflepuffs: Richard Henry Lee, Rev. John Witherspoon

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The Man America Forgot: Marquis de La Fayette

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You’ve likely driven down a road bearing his name. Perhaps you’ve spent some time in the park across the street from the White House. (Hint: It’s named after him) Statues of him are littered across the world. But chances are, your childhood social studies classes passed him right by. Meet Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de La Fayette, known simply as Lafayette.  And you can thank him for your freedom.

You think that today’s conservative Republicans are America’s biggest fanboy? Wrong. Lafayette loved America so much, he sent himself Stateside to fight alongside George Washington.

Nicknamed Le Héros des Deux Mondes, or The Hero of Two Worlds, is no small feat. Born September 6, 1757 into French aristocracy, Lafayette was orphaned by the age of 13 and inherited 145,000 livres, approximately 22 million dollars today.

In 1775, Lafayette first heard of the rumblings of war across the Atlantic. He was so moved by the American plight and passionate about the freedom the American’s sought, Lafayette acquired his own ship and sailed to America disguised as a woman to keep British spies at bay.

"Nothing to see here..."

“Nothing to see here…”

In America, Benjamin Franklin heard all about the Parisian wunderkind and wrote to George Washington advising him to choose Lafayette as his aide-de-camp. Washington accepted and at age 19, Lafayette was the top aide to the future POTUS. (What were you doing at age 19? Complaining about that 5 page book review you had to write for your college elective class? That’s what I thought.)  Lafayette saw Washington as the father he never had, and Washington saw Lafayette as the son he’d always wanted.

Lafayette-Washington

“Uhhhh, Monsieur Washington, take zis big cloth as a token of my amour. Oui, Oui.”

Lafayette was a badass in battle. In the Battle of Brandywine, he was shot in the leg and rallied the troops to a safe retreat before accepting treatment. Keep in mind, this was the first time he was experiencing American warfare. Battle after battle, Lafayette was noted for his valor and skill.

In February 1779, Lafayette returned to France. When he arrived, he was given two weeks house arrest for disobeying the King by going to America. Regardless, he was showered by gifts from the adoring public. While he was in France, his wife, Adrienne, gave birth to Lafayette’s first son, Georges Washington Lafayette. Lafayette continued to push for more French support to aid the Americans. Before returning to America in March 1780, he had secured 5,500 men and 5 warships to help the Continental Army.

In the fall of 1781, Lafayette and his men took Yorktown redoubt 9 from the British, while Alexander Hamilton and his men charged redoubt 10 in hand-to-hand combat. Cornwallis surrendered on October 19. The Americans had won. Lafayette returned to France and was greeted as a hero.

Suck it, Cornwallis.

Suck it, Cornwallis.

While in France, Lafayette was granted commander-in-chief of the French National Guard.  The French Revolution was brewing and Lafayette sought to maintain order. When an angry mob came to Versailles, Lafayette saved the Royal Family from danger. In 1792, France declared war with Austria and took command of the army. As the Jacobin influence gained power, Lafayette was replaced and fled to Belgium. The Austrians captured him and he was jailed until 1797. He returned to France in 1800 and found that his fortune was gone.  Feeling betrayed by the country he called home, he declined many social and political offers for nearly a quarter of a century.

In 1824, President James Madison invited Lafayette to tour America. Lafayette accepted and was greeted like a rockstar  during his two month trip. During that time, he visited every state, visited Mount Vernon and the tomb of Washington, met with his old friend, Thomas Jefferson, and attended public banquets in his honor. The frenzy that met him at each stop rivaled the celebrity frenzy of today. While visiting Jefferson in Monticello, one of Jefferson’s slaves noted 50 years later that, “Lafayette remarked that he thought that the slaves ought to be free; that no man could rightly hold ownership of his brother man; that he gave his best services to and spent his money on behalf of the Americans freely because he felt that they were fighting for a great and noble principle – the freedom of mankind; that instead of all being free a portion were held in bondage (which seemed to grieve his noble heart); that it would be mutually beneficial to masters and slaves if the latter were educated, and so on. …This conversation was very gratifying to me, and I treasured it up in my heart.”

Up until his death, Lafayette kept fighting for the rights of people, slaves, poor, and religion. Lafayette died on May 20, 1834 of pneumonia. He was buried at Picpus Cemetery with dirt from Bunker Hill, joined forever by the two countries he loved.

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“Humanity has won its battle. Liberty now has a country.”

Further Reading on Lafayette: